MULLIGAN STEW
Official Character Profile
Even carnies find the Mulligan Stew gang a bit creepy.
NAME: Mulligan Stew
REAL NAMES: Maggie
                            Micki
                            Manny
                            Mike
                            Mulligan
                        & Wilbur Dooright
First Appearance: Mulligan Stew (1975)
Last Appearance: Mulligan Stew (1975)
SUPER POWERS: 
Cheerful optimism bordering on psychosis.

 Able to solve any international crisis with a song about the four food groups, nutritional trivia, or a word scrambles.

Talking frogs.
WEAKNESSES: 
70's child actor creepiness factor, embarrasing ethnic stereotyping, and Wilbur's dreaded moon food and roaving hands.
KNOWN ENEMIES: 
The Flim Flam Man-- insidious mustachioed beatnik bent on "pooping out" the whole world with unhealthy fad diets.
ADDITIONAL: 
      Back in the golden age of television, (around 1975 or so) when it was possible to produce children's programing without thinking about merchandising rights or guest spots on the Rosie O'Donnell Show, your local 4-H club got together with the Department of Agriculture to create a six-part musical tribute to the importance of healthy eating, known to the two kids who bothered to watch it as Mulligan Stew.

      The series followed the standard educational TV show setup of having a bunch of hyperactive pre-teens left unattended in a garishly painted basement with some sort of Mr. Magoo/Faulknerian man-child hybrid, hired to act as an intermediary between them and the clandestine government agency in charge of monitoring international nutrition-related crime. Despite not being old enough to get on most amusement park rides, the gang was nonetheless expected to travel around the globe exposing the plans of enemy agents, NASA saboteurs, and con artists, and get back in time to be in bed by 8:30pm.

 

 

 


Well fuck you too, red frog.
MULLIGAN STEW
MULLIGAN STEW
KNOWLEDGE:
09
MENTAL STABILITY:
07
TACT:
06
TOUGHNESS:
02
VIGILANTISM:
02
DETERMINATION:
09
EFFECTIVENESS:
09
POPULARITY:
04
FASHION SENSE:
05
QUOTABILITY:
"4 - 4 - 3 - 2!"
09
SUPER RATING:
62

4 - 4 - 3 - 2 Learn it. Know it. Fear it.

   For anyone who somehow escaped 4th grade nutrition class or slept through Health and Safety in high school, 4-4-3-2 was yet another feeble attempt by the USDA to get you fatties to put down the Slim Jims™ and Shaq Snacks™ and support the struggling economies of Kansas, Nebraska and Iowa by eating as much surplus corn and wheat as your colons could safely handle.
   All they really needed to say to us was "Fruits and grains good, fats bad" but that doesn't pay the bills of the trained professionals whose job it was to come up with charts like this one for a living.

Eat up while it's still lumpy and pulsating.
 
   It does't matter what euphamism you use, Wilbur. I doubt even Mulligan is gullible enough to help you "launch the rocket" more than once.
   Secondly, I may not know much about nutrition, but I do know that if something's red, lumpy, and shooting off sparks, it probably doesn't belong anywhere near my mouth.
P.I.S.S.E.R. proudly presents...
MULLIGAN STEW in
A Dish Best Served Cold
Answers are printed on the back of the web page.

    I'm willing to suspend disbelief and accept talking frogs, international nutrition conspiracies, and a balding man in a red bow tie who might really have a legitimate excuse for spending all his time in a musty basement with five budding young adolescents, but don't expect me to trust anyone who uses the terms "airlines" and "good eating" together in the same sentence.
Just because you dress like a circa 1970's pimp, doesn't mean you can bend the laws of thermodynamics.

     It's important to remember that any dramatic chase sequence can immediately be put on hold as soon as one of the pursuers starts to feel the slightest bit hungry or tired.

     Similar scenes can be found in many of Hollywood's greatest adventure films, including "Mad Max takes a Coffee Break," "Indiana Jones and the Microwave Burrito" and "Star Trek VIII: The Search for Spock's Favorite Bistro."
Good job Mulligan, what on earth could have given me away?      I'm sorry, was that a Hamlet reference you were mangling there, or are you just suffering from extreme jetlag?
     Fortunately most of this comic's target audience still has trouble remembering how many daily servings they need from the F_ _ _T and V_ _ _ _ _ _E group, so the chances of them offending any Shakespearean scholars along the way remain relatively small.
Compared to this scene, even the Swedish Chef seems politcally correct.

     So not only is Wilbur the world's top counter-agent, he also has a direct line of communication with God.

     I think it's safe to assume that the writers of this comic learned everything they knew about Swedish culture from watching the Swedish Chef and possibly a few episodes of Hogan's Heroes by mistake. Any Sweds out there would probably be deeply offended by this type of blatant ethnic stereotyping, but they're all too busy making meatballs and sexy negligee to take any notice of what a couple of superior Americans have to say.
BACK to the main index    Let's just hope he doesn't notice the fuse sticking out of his gas tank.